


Muppetjolras fistanale (Finale)

by baenjolras



Series: Muppetjolras [3]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types, The Muppets - All Media Types
Genre: I'm Sorry Victor Hugo, IT'S OVER HOLY FUCKING SHIT ON THE STICK, It's over, Other, THANK YOU JESUS, also special thanks to my gcs, if this doesn't start any conspiracy theories I'm quitting forever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 10:25:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9067648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baenjolras/pseuds/baenjolras
Summary: Finally managing to get back in time, Muppetjolras looks for his lost love, but as he looks, he finds out some horrible truths that change his life forever.





	

Night was quiet and the stars shone bright, not a sound could be heard. Well, except for one sound. It was a sound of a lone man and a muppet, both put in one little, fabric body. Muppetjolras paced slowly and surely towards his final destination. He stood up straight and proud, searching for his one true love, and that, my dearest reader, is you. Yes, you. In case you do not recall, you went back in time, all the way back to the year zero and still managed to send Muppetjolras a telegram of emergency. So Muppetjolras travelled back in time with a very special technique. In case you don't recall how you got back in time, do yourself a favour and read the second part of this glorious series again. I'll leave the details of Muppetjolras' travel unrevealed for they are too boring for this work of art.

Of course, Muppetjolras came across the other travelers along the way. Three of them, to be correct. First of them was an old and bitter man. Muppetjolras did not memorize his name, but he remembered very well that the man told him about his habit of writing in an empty room when naked and about not giving out the first names of his characters which is the reason why the entire tumblr fandom hates him and yet keeps thanking him anyways.  
-Mob loves to suffer but it's a good suffering, you feel, fabric dude?  
Muppetjolras did feel.

Second traveller he came across was not too interesting, on contrary, he was super boring and very unimportant. He kept babbling about showing his weenie to his friends and saying that he 'wasn't a homo'. But the third traveller was the most most important and the most interesting one. He was very hot (now you imagine what's hot to you, if it's a bowl of chili, okay, if it's one of Chrises, okay, if it's Muppetjolras himself, GREAT). He was a decent fellow, Muppetjolras liked him a lot and they made a nice team.

Traveller introduced himself as Lucifer Morningstar and was a great talker, like REALLY REALLY GREAT WHAT THE HELL. Lucifer would answer 'I, the hell' or some shit like that. Anyways, Muppetjolras and Lucifer engaged into a conversation and Muppetjolras found out some rather juicy informations about a big thing going on in the nearest town.

„I might become a father tonight, you know?“ Lucifer said.  
„What do you mean by 'might'?“  
„ Well, there's this girl that I screwed but there was the other dude that told her that he screwed her instead and he also told her that he made her pregnant“  
„And who does she believe?“  
„Him, of course! Guy appears in the form of a pigeon, a pigeon, man!“ yelled Lucifer.  
Lucifer walked much faster than Muppetjolras. After all, he was the one in the bigger hurry, he was about to find out if he was to become a father , while Muppetjolras was only searching for his love he wanted to satisfy with his righteous, fabric fists.

Muppetjolras walked and walked and walked and then finally, he saw a light. A light brighter than any other light he's ever seen before. And that wasn't your butthole on the 5th of November. And he heard a voice, a voice of an angel. He heard a voice of George Michael who told him to walk on and to have faith. Then he sang his great song titled Faith and Muppetjolras cried and clapped to this gorgeous man with a voice of an angel who sadly died on 25th of December in the hell year of 2016.

Then Muppetjolras had to part with an angel and continue his journey. He walked on and soon he got to a sign that said something that he couldn't read because he didn't know how to read. Luckily, he saw another traveller and asked him to read the sign for him. The sign read 'Betlehem' and Muppetjolras resisted the urge to break into Mama Who Bore Me from a hit musical Spring Awakening.

Walking into the town, Muppetjolras spotted some soon-to-be Christians and cringed a bit. One of them noticed him as well so they threw their latest model of smartphone at him, for they couldn't grab a brick. Muppetjolras seized the opportunity to look into their phone. He was disappointed to find out that all they had in their phone were dick pics, game My Horse Prince and You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban. Disappointed and a bit angry, he threw it back at the guy and kept on walking, looking for the address you've sent your letter from and, soon enough, he's found it.

He's found it, yes, but he did not find you! He's found the second traveller instead. He did not like the guy. First time they met, he kept talking about showing his weenie to his friends, now he kept talking about someone's wig being torn apart. But he couldn't tell who he was talking about exactly. Only thing he memorized was that once all parts of the wig were collected and put together, some supreme person was to be summoned, but he forgot their name, but he knew that the guy (it was a guy), loved golf (obviously a guy).

Now this second traveller, he kept talking about him being Slavic and he kept chugging alcohol he hid in one (actually both) of his shoes. In the end, he drove Muppetjolras crazy and Muppetjolras pretty much cut off his balls with a wooden spoon. Muppetjolrs digged a grave for a poor thing and buried it, it was a nice pair of balls, actually, a bit too shiny and pink, but still. As for the rest of his body, he threw it in the trash can where it belonged and lit it on fire, then exploding and leaving the marks '2016' on the wall behind it. It was finally dead.

Then kept on looking for his love. In the end, he got into a stable where he found Lucifer chatting with a couple. The lady was pregnant and the other guy did not look like a pigeon at all.  
„Yo, Lucifer!“ yelled Muppetjolras.  
„Ey, Muppy!“ (what the hell happened to me?)  
„Is this the fair lady?“  
„Yep“  
And that was pretty much all. Soon the gal yelled that she was having the baby. But Muppetjolras' didn't like babies so he left the stable for now.

Soon he returned inside and the baby was all cleaned up and wrapped in blankets or whatever.  
„So what are you gonna name it?“ Muppetjoras asked the lady.  
„Christ. Muppetjolras Christ.“  lady replied and Muppetjolras screamed in terror as he saw the face of the baby.

A burst of light appeared and almost blinded everyone in the stable. Muppetjolras' love appeared just now, Muppetjolras travelled back a bit more than needed.  
„Muppetjolras!“ screamed you, holding a ruby statue in the shape of fist in your hand, but before you got to say anything more, Muppetjolras grabs it, shows it up your ass and then disappeares into nothing, leaving you with PewDiePie's ruby play button stuck up your ass and with a great sorrow in your heart.

That is how this love story ends, sadly all stories have to come to an end, but this one was something special. That's all, thank you all, I'm waiting for Fantine to take my hand and lead me to salvation now. Bye, hope I see you never again. (or do I?)


End file.
